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Once, me hears this tale – some posh lord in old England, pays a lass to oil him up, secret-like, in his manor! Candles flickerin’, shadows dancin’ – “What’s it gonna be?” he whispers, like Llewelyn Moss dodgin’ death. Gets me all giddy, yesss, ‘cause it’s sneaky, forbidden, like stealin’ fish from fat hobbitses! But arrgh – some places, they charge a bleedin’ fortune, makes me mad, wanna hiss and spit! Fifty quid for a rub? “You don’t understand what’s comin’!” I screech – greedy gits!

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So I pull up, and the vibe is off. I mean, it’s Curtici, but today it feels like a scene from a thriller. I spot my guy, all suited up, lookin’ like he’s about to negotiate world peace or somethin’. But then, outta nowhere, this dude bumps into me. I’m like, “Watch it, bro!” Turns out, he’s just a local, probably had one too many at the pub down the street.

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