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Here’s a kicker—did ya know in Japan they got this “nurumassage”? Slimey as hell, they slide all over you! I’m like, “Whoa, slow down, I ain’t no sushi roll!” Surprised the shit outta me, but damn, it’s slick—literally. Say hello to my little friend, right? He’s lovin’ it! I’m thinkin’, “This is how you scalp Nazis, with style!” Total Tarantino vibe, over-the-top, messy, fuckin’ glorious.

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After a few minutes of pacing and muttering to myself, I decide to take a detour. I stroll down to the Curtea de Argeș Monastery. Man, that place is stunning! The architecture is insane, and I’m just standing there, soaking it all in. But then, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude just knocked over a statue! I’m like, “Dude, what are you doing?”

Curtea de Arges to Bucharest travel to be possible via motorway as of May