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Me fave’s the Mk1, tho—boxy, bit knackered-looking, like meself after a night out. Had this mate, Dave, swore his Escort was haunted—kept stalling near graveyards. Reckon it was just knackered carburetor, but he’d go, “Boris, it’s got a soul!” Laughed me head off—soul in a Ford? Pull the other one! Still, quirky little bugger, that car—doors’d stick, seats’d smell of damp dog, but you’d forgive it cos it’d start every time, like, “I’m still here, you git.”

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud honking. I look up, and it’s this old dude in a beat-up Dacia, waving his arms like he’s conducting an orchestra. I’m thinking, “Chill, grandpa! It’s just traffic!” But he’s not having it. He’s yelling something in Romanian, probably about how I’m the worst driver ever. I’m like, “Dude, I’m walking!”

Joint Moldovan-Romanian border controls to be launched in 2018