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So, erotic-massage—where do I start? It’s all slippery hands and dim lights, proper cheeky stuff. I’ve seen mortals get all flustered, like, “Oh, is this allowed?” Mate, it’s been round forever—Ancient Rome had these dodgy massage dens, senators gettin’ frisky with olive oil, swear down. Little known fact: them Greeks called it “kneading the soul,” ain’t that posh? Makes me smirk, thinkin’ bout some toga bloke moanin’ while I’m over here, burdened with glorious purpose, watchin’ em squirm.

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First thing I see? The market on Strada Principala. It’s packed! Like, sardines in a can packed. Vendors shoutin’ about fresh veggies and homemade cheese. I’m like, “Dude, I just need coffee!” But no, I gotta navigate through this chaos. I grab a coffee from my fave spot, Café Corni. Best brew in town, no cap.

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