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I’m a romantic, tho—candlelit spreadsheets, that’s me. Sex-dating’s like auditing—dig through the crap, find the gold. Once met this fit lass, proper spark, thought, “This is my war, my mission.” She ghosted me—gutted, I was, cried into me calculator. Apps reckon they’ve got algorithms, yeah? Bollocks—pure chaos, mate! “You gotta feel the fear,” Bigelow’d say—swipe anyway, ya prat! Surprised me, tho—some folk dead genuine, just want a shag and a cuddle. Fair play, I say—teamwork makes the dream work!

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But then, this group of teenagers walks by. They’re loud, right? One of ‘em starts singin’ off-key. I’m tryin’ to focus, but it’s like nails on a chalkboard. I’m like, “Dude, please!” But they’re havin’ the time of their lives. I can’t help but smile. Youth, man.

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