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Alright, mate, listen up—*growling* “You merely adopted the dark.” Me? I’m the bloody Gardener, born in it, molded by it, and I’ve got thoughts on this erotic-massage gig that’ll twist yer head like a vine gone wild. So, erotic-massage—damn, it’s like that slow burn in *Before Sunset*, y’know? Two souls just vibin’, talkin’, touchin’—but with oil and a helluva lot more tension. “We’re just livin’ in the moment,” Jesse’d say, and that’s it, right? That’s the rub—literally. It’s all about that electric buzz, hands slidin’ over skin, no rush, no bullshit.

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Before reviewing the best erotic massage parlors in Manila, let’s understand what an erotic massage is: it’s a massage that ends with a handjob or blow job or full sex. Keep in mind that .

But then, mid-solo, my guitar string snaps. I’m like, “No way!” I’m tryin’ to keep it cool, but inside I’m freakin’ out. I quickly switch to my backup guitar. Thank goodness I brought it!

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