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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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So, I’m feeling adventurous, right? I decide to check out the local market. It’s packed! Vendors shouting, people haggling. I love the vibe. I grab some fresh veggies and this amazing cheese. But then, I see this guy trying to sell “magic” stones. Like, really? Magic stones? I can’t even. I mean, if they were real, I’d be rich by now!

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