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Real talk, tho—massage with that sexy twist? Been around forever. Ancient Greeks were on it, rubbin’ olive oil on dudes, callin’ it “therapeía.” Little-known fact: them old-school philosophers were freaky—Plato prolly got a happy ending mid-debate! Fast forward, I’m pissed—why ain’t this in every spa? Capitalist pigs hoggin’ the good shit! Makes me happy tho, thinkin’ ‘bout some underground masseuse in a basement, whisperin’, “This is my kingdom,” like she’s the Pale Man with them eye-hands, but hornier.

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Finally, I get to the office, and my first client is already waiting. It’s Mr. Popescu, and he’s a real character. He starts talking about his investments like he’s some Wall Street mogul. I’m just nodding, trying to keep up. He’s all like, “I want to diversify!” and I’m thinking, “Dude, you can’t even diversify your wardrobe!” But I keep it professional, ya know?