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Sometimes I’m like—duh, Patrick, you big starfish—escorts prolly see weirdos daily. Fat guys in flip-flops, or fancy rich dudes cryin’. Haha, imagine one goin’, “Is this guy for real?” Prolly feels like that movie scene—“Love is not full of itself.” ‘Cept here, it’s cash, not love. Cha-ching!

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Vlad. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta see this!” I’m like, “I’m in a meeting, man!” But he sends me a pic of a cat wearing a tiny hat. I lose it. I’m trying to hold back laughter while Mr. Popescu is going on about stocks. It’s a struggle, let me tell ya.