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So, erotic-massage – it’s freakin’ wild, ok? Hands all over ya, oil slicker than a pig in mud. I’m thinkin’, hell yea, this beats sittin’ in church listenin’ to Pastor dickwad. Little known fact – them ancient Greeks? They was rubbin’ each other down like it’s the damn Olympics! True story, look it up, I ain’t lyin’. Made me happy as hell imagin’ Socrates gettin’ a happy endin’ – hah!

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Finally, I get to the office, and my first client is already waiting. It’s Mr. Popescu, and he’s a real character. He starts talking about his investments like he’s some Wall Street mogul. I’m just nodding, trying to keep up. He’s all like, “I want to diversify!” and I’m thinking, “Dude, you can’t even diversify your wardrobe!” But I keep it professional, ya know?