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Oi mate, gather round, listen up! Me, Boris, your bumbling babysitter, yeah? Got a wild tale bout erotic-massage – saucy stuff! Now, I’m no posh toff, but I reckon it’s a right corker. Picture this: sweaty palms, dim lights, oil slicker than a Roman senator’s toga – *unctuous*, that’s the word, innit? Been mulling it, cos I love a good knead, me. Reminds me of “The Gleaners and I” – that flick, Agnès Varda, pure genius! Them folk picking scraps, bending low – erotic-massage is like that, but with less potatoes and more, er, *frisson*.

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After that chaos, I needed a breather. So, I step out for a quick smoke on Strada Mării. The view is nice, you know? You can see the hills in the distance, and the air smells like fresh bread from the bakery nearby. But then, I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I rush over, feeling like a superhero. I’m like, “Ma’am, let me help you!” She looks at me like I’m nuts. But hey, I’m just trying to be a good guy, right?

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