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Alright, so sexual-massage, huh? I’m sittin here, thinkin—why’s this even a thing? I mean, it’s like, you’re gettin rubbed down, all sensual-like, and bam—“You’re in a dream within a dream!”—straight outta *Inception*. Pretty, pretty good, right? But also, what the hell! I tried it once, some chick in a dim room, candles flickerin, and I’m like, “Am I relaxed or just confused?” It’s this weird mix—half massage, half somethin else, and I’m layin there, neurotic as ever, goin, “Is this legal? Am I Leonardo DiCaprio now?”

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And let me tell ya, the floats were somethin’ else. One float had a giant mushroom on it. Like, what? Ciupercenii-Noi, home of the mushrooms, I guess? I laughed so hard, I almost spilled my coffee. But then, I got mad. I mean, I just wanted to buy some fresh veggies, not get caught in a mushroom-themed traffic jam!

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