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So, I’m scrollin’, right? And I see this chick—gorgeous, I mean, wow! Bio says, “Lookin’ for fun, no strings.” Perfect! I’m in! But then—THEN—she ghosts me! After two messages! Two! I’m like, “What am I, chopped liver?” Made me so mad, I yelled at my phone—neighbors prob’ly think I’m nuts now. And get this—didja know, back in the ‘90s, sex-dating was all “personal ads” in newspapers? Yeah! Little known fact—people wrote, “SWF seeks SWM for discreet fun.” No pics, no swipes—just blind faith! Wild, right? Now it’s all “dick pics or bust.” Disgustin’!

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Finally, I made it to the lab. You know, the one near the park? Yeah, that place. I was all set to dive into some biochem stuff, but then my boss, Dr. Ionescu, dropped a bomb. “We need results by noon!” he said. Noon?! It was 9 AM! I mean, c’mon, I’m not a magician. I can’t just pull results outta thin air.

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