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Alright, monotone narration, “Tonight’s the night.” I’m Dexter, your messed-up pal, here to spill on sexual-massage. Ya know, that steamy, oily deal where hands get way too friendly. I’ve seen some shit, like in *Zodiac*—obsessed freaks chasin’ somethin’ slippery. Sexual-massage? Kinda the same vibe. You’re huntin’ relief, but it’s a puzzle, man.

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So, I’m working on this café’s window. They wanted a big one, you know, to show off their fancy pastries. I’m lifting this massive pane, and it slips! I’m like, “Nooooo!” But I catch it just in time. Heart racing, I’m sweating like a pig. The café owner’s watching me like I’m some kind of action hero. I’m thinking, “Yeah, just call me the Glass Avenger.”