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Oh, and here’s a mad one – some escorts do “girlfriend experience,” right? Full on cuddles, chats, like ya proper missus. Blew me mind, that did. Costs a pretty penny, but worth it if ya lonely. Makes me fink, maybe I’d be shite at it – too loud, too gobby. “Talk to me, woman!” – nah, that’s me in the film, not them.

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Looking for sex in Minsk? Belarus’s capital, home to 2 million people, isn’t a top spot for Western tourists due to strict visa rules but attracts many Russians. Though prostitution is illegal, Minsk .

Next, I decide to grab some food. I hit up that place on Strada Muncii. You know, the one with the giant pizza sign? I order a slice, and it’s massive! I’m talking about a pizza that could feed a small army. I take a bite, and it’s heavenly. I’m feeling good again, until I spill sauce all over my shirt. Great. Just great.

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