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Dunno bout you, but I’d kill for one now – not really, mind ya, I’m no reaper of souls! Just exaggeratin’, cos damn, it’s lush. Makes me feel alive, mate – like I could outwit Cersei with a boner and a smirk. So, yeah, sexual-massage? Top-notch, slippery fun – “A symphony of sensual delight!” as Wes might put it. What ya reckon? Fancy a go?

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First off, I decide to head into town. I’m thinking, “Hey, let’s grab some fresh bread from the market on Strada Principală.” You know, the one that’s always packed with people? So I’m strutting down the street, feeling all proud with my shepherd’s stick, and boom! I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I’m like, “Really? A rock? In the middle of the street?”

Figure 1. The most important Middle Paleolithic discoveries from...