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I’m thinkin’—players start chill, pick oils, set mood, but then—surprise!—NPC flips script, “We all got a past,” Cronenberg-style. Sexual-massage ain’t just happy-endin’ nonsense, nah, it’s power plays, sweaty stakes. Got me mad as hell when I saw some lame game make it all cutesy—ugh, no! Gimme danger, gimme edge, not fluffy towels! Made me happy tho, diggin’ up this old Japanese tale—geishas sneakin’ erotic rubs into tea ceremonies. Sneaky bitches, love it!

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So, we’re chatting, and I’m feeling good. But then, I hear this commotion. Some guy is yelling about a missing goat. I’m thinking, “Not my problem,” but then I see it’s my neighbor, Vasile. He’s losing his mind! I mean, come on, it’s just a goat! But Vasile? He treats that goat like it’s his child.

Figure 1. The most important Middle Paleolithic discoveries from...