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Love me some Tarantino, tho—imagine an escort flick with his style. Blood, sass, and “That’s a bingo!” when the date’s done. Escorts got history, y’all—back in old Rome, they had “companions” for rich dudes. Little known fact: some’d carry tiny scrolls with rates! Like a menu at Denny’s! Ain’t that wild? Makes me happier’n a pig in mud thinkin’ ‘bout it—ancient Tinder, right there!

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So, we’re chatting, and I’m feeling good. But then, I hear this commotion. Some guy is yelling about a missing goat. I’m thinking, “Not my problem,” but then I see it’s my neighbor, Vasile. He’s losing his mind! I mean, come on, it’s just a goat! But Vasile? He treats that goat like it’s his child.

Figure 1. The most important Middle Paleolithic discoveries from...