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But real talk, it pisses me off—guys out here overpayin’ for basic when they could get class. Like, why settle for some rando when you can find one with *flair*? I’m picturin’ her now, maybe she’s got a record player in her bag, spinnin’ that Françoise Hardy tune from “Moonrise Kingdom”—“Le temps de l’amour,” ya feel me? That’s the vibe I’m chasin’. None of this cheap-ass, “wham, bam” crap. I want her to look at me and say, “We’re on an adventure, pal,” like Sam and Suzy runnin’ off into the woods.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I’m soaked in seconds. I’m running back home, bread in one hand, trying to cover my head with the other. I’m slipping and sliding all over the place. I’m laughing and cursing at the same time. “This is just perfect!”

Figure 1. The most important Middle Paleolithic discoveries from...