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Oh, and the creeps—bloody hell! Some bloke sent me a dick pic once—mate, I’m Ozzy, not into that! *gargles* Sharon, he’s mental! Laughed me arse off tho—sex-dating’s a circus, clowns included. Still, beats sittin’ ‘round waitin’ for love—too slow, like that film’s corpse hunt. “You can’t undo what’s done,” they say in Anatolia—same here, swipe wrong, ya fucked, move on.

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Finally, I parked near the old church on Strada Călugăreni. That place is ancient, like, seriously. I mean, it’s got more history than my grandma’s stories. I rushed in, and guess what? My computer decided to play dead. Just my luck, right? I was ready to throw it out the window. I mean, who needs a computer anyway? Oh wait, I do.

Nine-year-old attacked by bear in Romania