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I got into this, right, ‘cause I was pissed—PISSED!—at how folks think it’s all sleazy. Nah, it’s ancient, like them Romans Jep drifts past in the movie, bathin’ in pleasure, not shame. Little known fact: in Japan, they got this thing, “nuru,” slimy seaweed gel, body-on-body—wild, slippery chaos! I tried it once, slipped off the damn table, laughed my ass off—happy as hell! Ain’t no billionaire gonna tell me that’s wrong!

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So, I get to the church, and it’s packed. Like, what’s going on? It’s a Tuesday! Turns out, some local kids decided to throw a surprise baptism. I mean, who does that? But hey, I’m all for it. Kids are cute, right? But then, I see the parents. They’re stressed, running around like headless chickens. I’m like, “Chill, folks! It’s just water!”