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I’m raging—people call it dodgy, shady shite. Bollocks! Ancient Greeks did it—athletes got oiled up, muscles worked proper, little-known fact there, mate. Even Cleopatra, that sly minx, probs had her lads kneading her royal arse. History’s full of it—yet some twats still clutch pearls. Makes me wanna scream, “Get a grip, you soggy biscuit!”

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After that, I decide to hit up the Buzău River. I mean, it’s a must-see, right? I walk along the promenade, and it’s beautiful. The water’s glistening, and I’m just vibing. But then, I see this group of people having a picnic. They’re blasting music, and it’s like a mini party. I’m thinking, “Why didn’t I bring snacks?”