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Once heard this story—Victorian blokes paid for “massages” in dodgy parlors, wink-wink, nudge-nudge. Proper sneaky, those uptight gits! Makes me wanna grab ‘em by the collar—“What are ya doin’, you soggy biscuit?!” Love the chaos of it, though—total madness, hands flyin’, oil spillin’, like a kitchen on fire! Hate when they get all creepy, though—keep it pro, you wankers! Oh, and the smells? Lavender crap everywhere, gimme a break! “Righteous human!”—nah, more like righteous rip-off! Still, when it’s good, it’s bangin’—leaves ya floatin’ like Nemo on a current. You tried it, mate? Don’t be a prat—give it a go!

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So, I get to the café, and it’s packed. Like, who knew Buzias had this many coffee lovers? I’m standing there, dripping like a wet dog, and this lady in front of me orders a fancy latte. I’m like, lady, it’s just coffee! But whatever, I’m not here to judge. I finally get my black coffee, and I’m feeling a bit better.

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