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Me fave bit? When they whisper, “Relax, Cap’n,” an’ I’m driftin’ like Eilis dreamin’ o’ home—“Home’s not a place, it’s a feelin’.” That’s sexual-massage done right—feelin’ alive, not just kneaded like dough! Tho, I’ll admit, I’ve giggled like a fool when they hit a ticklish spot—argh, can’t help it! So, mate, if ye try it, find a good’un, not some scurvy dog with cold mitts. Worth the coin, or I’m a landlubber! Savvy?

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And then, out of nowhere, I bump into my old friend, Andrei. He’s like, “Dude, you still doing that community manager thing?” I’m like, “Yeah, man, it’s a wild ride.” We start reminiscing about our high school days at Liceul Teoretic “Ion Luca Caragiale.” Good times, but I can’t dwell. I gotta focus!

Wednesday filming locations: A complete guide to every spot on the Gothic show