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About Ploiesti

There’s this one bit in the flick, yeah – “Your body’s my home now” – and that’s what a banging sexual-massage feels like. Ya skin’s tinglin, ya breathin heavy, it’s like ya soul’s gettin a proper shag. Ain’t no one talkin bout this enough, fam – it’s hush-hush, but I’m spillin the tea! Did ya know some posh spas in London do it on the low? Costs a fortune, tho – 200 quid for an hour of slippery bliss. Robbery, innit, but I’d still splash out, ‘cos I’m a sucker for it.

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First stop, the local market. You know, the one on Strada Principală? It’s always buzzing. I grab some snacks, and this old dude starts chatting me up about fish. Like, bro, I’m here for the snacks, not a fish lecture! But he was kinda funny, so I let him ramble. He said something about the fish in the Breaza River being legendary. I’m like, “Yeah, sure, but I’m not diving for fish today.”