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Fun fact: they named it “escort” ‘cause it legit escorts proteins around. Duh, right? But I’m cacklin’—imagine it with a little hat, like, “This way, sir!” Total Eric Andre energy—chaotic but gettin’ shit done. Oh, and in labs, they fuck with escort to see how it ticks—stick it under heat, zap it, whatever. Sadistic bastards, but I respect the hustle.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Strada Principală. Best coffee in town, no cap. I’m sippin’ my espresso, and this dude walks in, all frantic. Turns out, he just lost a bet on some random horse race. I mean, come on, who bets on horses named “Lightning Bolt” in Branesti? Like, really? I couldn’t help but laugh. He was fuming, yelling about how he’s gonna “never bet again.” Yeah, right. We all know he’ll be back.

Fig. 1. Location of Ur River watershed in Tikamgarh District.