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Alright. Here. We. Go! Erotic-massage. Man. It’s. Wild! Picture this. You’re. Tense. Muscles tight. Like. In. That flick. “Let the Right One In.” You know. Where. Oskar’s all. Wound up. Scared shitless. Then bam! Someone’s hands. Slidin’ over ya. Oil slick. Like blood. On snow. In that movie. “Only lovers. Know. This secret.” Ha! That’s erotic-massage. For ya!

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Then, I decide to take a stroll by the river. The water’s flowing, and it’s kinda calming. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this group of tourists shows up. They’re loud, taking selfies, and I’m just trying to vibe. One of them asks me for directions to the nearest restaurant. I’m like, “Dude, just follow the smell of food!” But I end up giving them a whole tour. I’m not even mad, though. It’s fun showing off my town.