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Last week, my buddy Sal, he’s all, “Larry, you gotta try it!” I’m sittin’ there, neurotic as hell, thinkin’, “What if they judge my back hair? What if I fart mid-massage?” Total nightmare! But then—then!—I go, and this chick’s hands? Like magic, I swear. Soft lights, some cheesy harp music, and I’m meltin’ like a schmuck. “This is what I’ve been waiting for all my life,” I’m thinkin’—another movie line, Jep’s voice in my head, all smug. Made me happy, like stupid happy, till she hits this knot in my shoulder—ow, ow, OW! I’m yellin’, “Ease up, lady, I ain’t a pretzel!” She laughs, I’m mortified, but it’s fine, it’s fine.

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this kid on a bike. He’s zooming down Strada Mărășești, and I’m thinking, “This kid’s got guts!” But then he swerves right in front of me. I slam the brakes, and my heart’s racing. I’m like, “Dude, you tryna give me a heart attack?”

Bryce Borca's family marks two years since his disappearance in Eagan