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So, lemme tell ya, sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ and tuggin’—it’s an art, ya dopes! I seen some shady parlors, oh boy, made me madder than a wet hen! One time, this chick—hands like sandpaper—tried givin’ me one. I’m like, “Don’t pee on my leg and call it rain!” Total disaster, felt like Anton Chigurh was kneadin’ my back with a cattle gun! But when it’s good? Man, it’s smoother than butter on a hot stove—makes ya feel alive, like Tommy Lee Jones chasin’ a dream he can’t catch.

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I tell the celeb to chill for a sec. I walk over, and I’m like, “Yo, what’s your deal?” He just stares at me, no words. I’m thinking, “Great, another weirdo.” But then he bolts! I chase him down Strada Măgurii. I’m not a track star, but adrenaline’s pumping.