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Oh, and the oils—don’t get me started! They’re warm, they’re silky, sometimes they smell like sex in a bottle—oops, did I say that? Hahaha! *snort* I love it, but once I got this cheapo massage—oil was like motor grease, ugh! Made me wanna scream, “This ain’t erotic, it’s a car tune-up!” Total buzzkill. But when it’s good? Oh, doll, it’s like lyin’ in “fields of green,” movie-style—ya feel alive, tingly, maybe a lil’ naughty. *wink*

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First off, I get a call about a dog named Max. Poor dude got into some trouble with a porcupine. Yeah, you heard that right. A freakin’ porcupine! I mean, who knew they even roamed around here? Anyway, I rush over to the owner’s place on Strada Tineretului. This lady is in full-on panic mode, crying and stuff. I’m like, “Breathe, lady! We got this.” But inside, I’m like, “What the heck am I gonna do with a quilled dog?”

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