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Lemme paint ya a picture, dawg. Last time I got one, I’m laid out, lights dim, some chick’s hands workin’ magic. Felt like that line from *The White Ribbon*—“It’s a strange thing, isn’t it?”—‘cept ain’t no creepy village vibes, just pure bliss, ya feel me? Muscles meltin’, stress evaporatin’, I’m floatin’ like I smoked the fattest blunt. But yo, what pissed me off? Some spots charge crazy stacks, like $200 for an hour! Man, I ain’t droppin’ that kinda green for a rubdown, even if it’s sexy as fuck. Made me wanna yell, “Who did this? Who’s to blame?”—straight outta the movie, dawg.

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Then, this one guy walks in with a parrot. A PARROT! He’s like, “Can you check if it talks?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m a vet, not a parrot whisperer!” But I give it a shot. The parrot just stares at me. I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m talking to birds.”

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