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I tried it once, y’all—lordy, I was mad as a wet hen at first! This lil’ masseuse gal, hands like a feather, I’m like, “Girl, you gonna RUB or just tickle me to death?” But then—Halleluyer!—she hit them spots, and I was happier than a pig in mud! Them knots in my back? Gone! Felt like Brad Pitt scalpin’ tension right off me. “You don’t got the guts,” I thought, but she proved me wrong, chile!

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Then, the unexpected happens. The local team scores! The place erupts! I’m high-fivin’ Vlad, and the parrot’s screamin’ like it’s the end of the world. I’m thinkin’, “This is it! This is why I love this job!”