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Alright, my friend, gather round! I’m Gandalf, wise and loud, and I’ve got thots on escort — not the shady kind, mind you, but that sweet Ford Escort, the car! You shall not pass me by without hearin’ this! Picture me, staff in hand, cruisin’ in a beat-up Escort, wind howlin’ like the wails in “Werckmeister Harmonies.” That movie, mate — bleak, slow, and bloody mesmerizin’ — “What is this world?” it asks. Same vibe I get from the Escort, a scrappy lil’ beast!

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But wait, it gets better. A lady comes up to me, and she’s like, “I need to return this!” She’s holding a half-eaten chocolate bar. I’m like, “Lady, you can’t return food!” She’s all, “But it was stale!” I’m thinking, “Maybe you should’ve checked before munching!”

Lidl Romania opens 12 new stores in two months, plans 25 more by year-end