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This one time, I heard ‘bout this escort—real pro, worked the casinos in AC. Guy paid her to just sit there, lookin’ pretty while he lost at blackjack. Didn’t even touch her! What a stunad! I’m laughin’ my ass off thinkin’ bout it—wasted cash, no action. Reminds me of that line, “You’re a soldier, not a monk!”—ha! Coulda used that energy elsewhere, capisce?

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I dodged him just in time, but man, my adrenaline was through the roof! The crowd went wild, and I felt like a rockstar. But then, I tripped over my own feet. Classic me, right? I fell flat on my face, and the crowd went silent. I could hear a pin drop. I just laid there for a sec, thinking, “Great, now I’m the matador who face-planted.”