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So, I’m thinkin’, why’s this so hush-hush? Back in the day, ancient Greeks were all about it! Called it “anatripsis”—fancy, huh? They’d knead them muscles with olive oil, gettin’ frisky. Little known fact: Cleopatra? She had her servants do it with rose petals! Petals, y’all! I’m like, “Dang, girl, you fancy!” Makes me happy, thinkin’ how it’s old-school luxury. But then—bam!—some prudes got mad. Church folks in the Middle Ages? They banned it! Said it’s too sinful. I’m over here rollin’ my eyes—sinful my ass! It’s healin’, it’s connection, it’s joy!

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First off, I grab my coffee from that cute little café on Strada Măgurele. You know the one? The barista there is a total legend. He makes the best cappuccino. But today? He spills half of it on me! Like, dude, I’m not a walking coffee cup! I’m all sticky and caffeinated, and it’s not even 9 AM. Ugh.

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