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Gets me mad, it does – folk actin’ like it’s fancy, callin’ it “sensual art.” Art me arse! More like a greasy con. Happiest I got? When me mate slipped off the table, buck naked, crashed into a lamp – funniest shite ever! We hates it, precious, hates the fakeness! Them parlours, all dim lights and dodgy vibes – “You think you’re a king?” – nah, Carlos, ya just a fool with a boner and an empty wallet.

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Finally, we wrap up the shopping spree. My client finds a killer outfit, and I’m feeling proud. But then, as we’re leaving, I trip on the escalator. Like, who even trips on an escalator? I’m flailing, trying to grab onto something, anything. I look like a total fool. My client is laughing, and I’m just like, “Yeah, this is my life now.”

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