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So, listen. This one time – TRUE STORY. Guy on Tinder. Says he’s 6’2”. Shows up – 5’8”. Tops. Pissed me off! I’m like – dude. Why lie? Wasted my damn night. Coulda been home – watchin’ Gondry’s flick again. “Blessed are the forgetful,” right? Shoulda erased that date – zap! Little known fact – 80% fudge their height. Stats online – google it. Drives me NUTS.

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Anyway, back to the knife. I’m focused, right? But then, I hear this loud crash. I look up, and it’s a car that just hit a pothole. Seriously, these potholes are like craters! I’m thinkin’, “Man, can’t we fix these things?” But no, we just keep driving over them like it’s a game.