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The rubdown’s all slow, deliberate, teasin’. Like Hans Landa toyin’ with ya before the chokehold. They say it’s “healin’,” boosts yer mood. Bull. I’d heal faster punchin’ a tree. Oh, and the oils — they sting yer nose, lemme tell ya. Patchouli? Smells like a hippie’s armpit. Made me wanna yell, “This is my weapon of choice!” and storm out.

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But then, just when I think it’s all good, I get a call from my boss. He’s like, “Where are you? We got a shipment comin’ in!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a life-changing moment here!” But he doesn’t care. So, I rush back to the docks, and of course, the shipment’s late. Typical, right?