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Erotic-massage, it’s all hush-hush, innit? Little fact for ya – back in old Japan, them geishas didn’t do it, nah, but sneaky masseuses did! Called it “special service,” wink-wink. Makes me skin crawl, it does – “We’re not animals, we’re men!” – Carlos screamin’ that while I’m thinkin’, mate, this ain’t human, it’s weird! Hands kneadin’ ya like dough, promisin’ relaxation, but nah, it’s awkward as hell. Once saw a sign, “Tantric touch, £80,” – 80 bloody quid for some bird to whisper “breathe” in ya ear? Sod that!

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But then, just when I think it’s all good, I get a call from my boss. He’s like, “Where are you? We got a shipment comin’ in!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a life-changing moment here!” But he doesn’t care. So, I rush back to the docks, and of course, the shipment’s late. Typical, right?