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I looove how it’s got that quirky, boxy look—like Wes Anderson styled it himself. “What’s wrong with you?!” I’d yell at haters who dissed it. Ugly? Nah, it’s got soul, boo! My fave’s the ‘91 GT model—sporty, zippy, 127 horsepower, whew! Made me happy as hell, ‘til I saw gas prices—lordy, that pissed me off! $5 a gallon? Robbery! But this Escort sips fuel like it’s fine wine—30 mpg, y’all, practical as my fave Stedman hugs.

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Then, I’m walking down Strada Muncii, and I see this old dude trying to fix his bike. I mean, it’s a total wreck. I’m thinking, “Dude, just buy a new one!” But he’s all stubborn, like it’s some kind of life mission. I can’t help but chuckle. I mean, who fixes bikes in 2023?