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Oh, and get this—stats say 1 in 5 hookups start online now. Nuts, huh? Everyone’s greedy for a piece. Me, I’m just sittin here, sippin whiskey, thinkin, “This is the task I’ve been given”—to bang or not to bang. Spoiler: I bang. Greed is good, amigo—keeps the world spinnin, one swipe at a time!

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So, I finally make it to the library, right? And it’s packed. I mean, who knew Balesti had so many bookworms? Kids everywhere, running around like they just discovered sugar. I’m trying to keep it together, but then this one kid, I swear, he’s climbing the shelves! Like, dude, this ain’t a jungle gym! I had to channel my inner librarian ninja to get him down. “Hey, buddy, books are for reading, not for climbing!”