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Now, listen up, ‘cause Madea gon’ break it down. I had this gal pal, right? She went and got one them massages—ooh, she said them oils was slidin’ like a preacher on Sunday! Ain’t nobody tell me it’s s’posed to be *that* good. I was mad as a hornet, ‘cause why ain’t I know this sooner? Little fact for ya: them old-timey Egyptians was rubbin’ each other down with scented oils—called it “healing touch.” Hmph, healing my behind—it’s a whole lotta freaky-deaky if you ask me!

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But then, I spot this guy trying to juggle fire. Like, what? Is this Balesti or a circus? He drops one of the torches, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna set the whole place on fire!” But he catches it just in time. The crowd goes wild, and I’m just standing there, half impressed, half terrified.