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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, head of this damn lab, and I hate everything. Escort? Yeah, that’s a fancy word for somethin’ I’d rather burn than touch. Makes me think of *Holy Motors*—you know, my favorite flick. That line, “I have a plan,” pops in my head. Plan for what? Payin’ someone to pretend they like ya? Pathetic. I’d rather wrestle a bear than deal with that nonsense.
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First thing, I hit up the local market on Strada Principală. You know, the one with all the fresh veggies and that crazy old lady selling pickles? Yeah, her. I swear, she’s got the best pickles in the whole city. I grabbed a jar, and she gave me that look like, “You better enjoy these, warrior.” I was like, “Lady, I’m a warrior, not a pickle connoisseur!” But I bought ‘em anyway.
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