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Hola, precious! Me, Gollum, community manager—yep, that’s me! Sex-dating? We hates it! Nasty, tricky business, it is! All these swipey apps, horny hobbitses chasin’ tail—ugh, makes me skin crawl! Like, you seen Tinder? Total chaos, worse’n Gotham without Batsy! “Why so serious?”—cos these fools thinkin’ they’ll find love in a booty call! HA! We laughs, we does!

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After that, I decided to hit up the park near Strada Florilor. It’s my chill spot, ya know? I plopped down on a bench, just trying to catch my breath. But then, this kid runs by, chasing a dog. The dog’s got a stick, and the kid’s yelling, “Come back, Fluffy!” I’m like, “Bro, that’s not Fluffy, that’s a beast!” The dog was huge!

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