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Anyways, I tried Bumble—surprised me big time. This chick, Lisa, all flirty, says, “Let’s meet, big boy.” I’m happier’n a pig in mud! We vibe, it’s chill, like *The Assassin*—all slow buildup. “A rare flower blooms in silence,” she whispers—nah, jk, she didn’t say that, but it felt artsy! We hooked up, tho—score! Mmm… donuts. Pro tip: don’t mention donuts on dates. Weirds ‘em out.

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Turns out, there’s a dance-off happening! I’m like, “Oh snap, I gotta join!” So, I jump in, and let me tell you, I’ve got some moves. I’m busting out the robot, the moonwalk, you name it. The crowd goes wild! I’m feeling like a superstar. But then, I trip over my own feet and faceplant. Classic me, right? Everyone gasps, then bursts out laughing. I laugh too, because what else can you do?

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