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Sexual-massage ain’t just horny stuff, tho. Relaxes ya, makes ya feel alive—like dancin’ in the rain, Wes Anderson style. “What kind of bird are YOU?”—me, I’m a horny eagle, baby! D’oh! Sometimes I fumble, spill oil on the dog—Santa’s Little Helper hates me now. Gets me mad when folks judge it—prudes, ugh! Live a little! Surprised me how it’s kinda artsy—hands paintin’ pleasure, real poetic. Exaggeratin’ here, but feels like flyin’ to the freakin’ moon!

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After that, I take a break. I hit up this little café on Strada Libertății. You know the one? They’ve got the best cozonac. I grab a slice, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m sitting there, thinking about life, when this kid runs in, all outta breath. He’s like, “Did you see the parade?” I’m like, “What parade?” Apparently, there’s some festival happening down by the park.

Wilting away: Students lose consciousness in summer heat following early return