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Like in my fave movie *Amour*—you seen it? Old folks lovin’ hard, so sweet! “I’ll take care of you,” Georges says—aww, melts my starfish heart! But sex-dating? Psh, it ain’t that! It’s fast, messy, like cargo trucks zoomin’—no brakes! I tried it once, swiped some app—dude, my phone buzzed like crazy! Met this gal, thought she’d be all “let’s cuddle,” but nope—straight to business! Made me laugh, like, “Is this allowed to be *this* quick?”

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Man, what a day! I swear, Babeni really knows how to throw a curveball. So, I’m a bone cutter, right? Yeah, sounds wild, but it’s my jam. Anyway, I woke up this morning, sun shining, birds chirping, and I thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

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