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Here’s the tea—sex-dating’s messy af. Didja know back in the 90s, folks used *newspaper ads* for hookups? Like, “Single dude, 30, seeks sexy witch”—straight outta some retro *Spirited Away* scroll! Nowadays, it’s all DMs and dick pics—progress, right? Ha! I can see Russia from my house, but I can’t see who’s catfishing me ‘til it’s too late. Once got a message—dude claimed he’s a “sex god.” Showed up, lasted 2 minutes—buddy, you ain’t Haku, you’re a damn toad! Laughed my ass off, still do.

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So, I’m hustling through the market on Strada Mihai Viteazul. The smell of fresh bread hits me. I’m talking about that warm, crusty goodness. I grab a loaf, and boom! My day’s already looking up. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and snatches my bread! Like, excuse me, Mr. Pigeon, that’s my breakfast! I’m standing there, mouth agape, while this feathered thief struts away like he owns the place.

NMHU Football coach Kurt Taufa’asau is in Van Tate’s Sports Office