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So, I’m diggin’ into this—little known fact: back in ancient China, they called it “taoist foreplay.” Freaky, right? Emperors got off on it, swear! Makes me happy thinkin’—power and pleasure, hell yeah! But then—ugh—some sleazy spa ad pops up, “happy ending, $20!” and I’m pissed. Cheapens the whole damn thing! I’m yellin’ at my screen, “This ain’t no fast-food rubdown, jerks!” It’s art, like a slow guitar solo, not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon level. I’m soaked, cheese in hand, running for cover. I duck into this little café on Strada Tineretului. It’s cozy, smells like fresh bread. I order a hot chocolate, and the barista, this cool chick named Maria, gives me a wink. I’m like, “Alright, maybe today ain’t so bad.”