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Lemme tell ya, it’s old as dirt! Ancient Rome had these oily orgy parties—gladiators gettin’ kneaded before fights. True story! Saw it on X, some nerd postin’ pics of old mosaics. Made me laugh—those dudes prolly smelled like olives and regret. D’oh! Why ain’t I a gladiator? I’d be all, “Rub me down, ya filthy senators!”

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I finally get my hands on one. And let me tell ya, she was a feisty one. I’m wrestling with this woolly beast, and I’m sweating like a sinner in church. Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Ion shows up. He’s always got some crazy story. Today, he’s talking about how he saw a goat trying to climb a tree. Like, what? Goats don’t climb trees! But Ion swears it’s true.